Protests as discount store introduces carrier bag price-hike

Protesters gather outside Heron Foods in Whitehaven

AN ARMED RESPONSE UNIT has been deployed to deal with growing civil unrest over a discount food store’s decision to increase the price of its carrier bags by A PENNY.

Heron Foods introduced the levy this month, bringing the total price of a carrier to 6p – sparking outrage among a small throng of people with little else to complain about who gathered outside the store to wave placards and scream obscenities.

Biffin Bridge, a 58-year-old professional slob from King Street, was less than impressed with the receptacle-based inflation:
“This represents an increase of 20% on grocery transportation. It may not seem like much to your average Joe, but over the course of a year it could cost people like me up to £3.29 – that’s a lot of bags of Space Raiders or potentially a few litres of Frosty Jacks. This really won’t do at all.”

Describing the situation, a spokesperson for the store told The Shitehaven Views: “I appealed for calm and suggested that shoppers could actually save money if they re-used their existing carrier bags, but a bloke at the front of the queue who smelled a bit like fish just shouted at me to f**k off.”

The spokesperson – who requested not to be named for fear of reprisals – added that the only casualty at the scene was a carton of cheese & onion sandwich filler which had been indignantly knocked from its shelf.

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