Man hospitalised after Cleator Moor takeaway crawl

Ambulance at the scene


Health professionals warn of binge eating risk as man guzzles 32 kebabs in just THREE hours

Onlookers describe scene as “like something from a horror movie”

A man has spoken out against the dangers of consuming excessive quantities of fast food after an evening of grease-fuelled debauchery ended in near tragedy.

Roly-poly process worker Bertrand Fchlopp explained, “I was on my ten days off and bored out of my skull, so I got on the bus and went to Cleator Moor.

“There wasn’t much to see, and unfortunately I neglected to note that buses back to Whitehaven only run every four hours, which left me at a bit of a loose end.”

In order to make use of his time, Mr Fchlopp decided to go for a drink – only to discover that most of the main street pubic houses had been replaced by takeaways.

Describing how his ordeal began, Mr Fchlopp stated: “I started off at Chattanooga. At a conservative estimate, I’d say I had about thirteen kebabs in three quarters of an hour. There was no stopping me.”

Moving onwards, the rotund button-pusher made his way to Popeye’s, where he gorged on potato wedges, fried chicken and donner wraps, before visiting at least nine other takeaways in the area.

Mr Fchlopp’s troubles began upon returning to the bus stop to make his way home, as he became wedged in the opening of the bus shelter.

One witness described the incident as “carnage”, with another adding “it was like something from a horror movie. There were pieces of donner meat, chilli sauce and onion fragments everywhere.”

Emergency services shortly arrived at the scene. A spokesperson for West Cumbria Fire & Rescue Service commented: “Thankfully, the level of grease consumed by Mr Fchlopp provided some lubrication, allowing our team to free him with relative ease.”

He was transferred to West Cumberland Hospital where doctors administered a salad.

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