Local arse enters General Election race

Election hopeful Dingus Oubliette

A NEW CHALLENGER has entered the political arena – with WESTMINSTER in his sights.

They say it takes extraordinary ambition to become an MP – and Dingus Oubliette is certainly no ordinary character.

Oubliette, a part-time garbologist from Arlecdon, was born with a rare condition known as completus rectalus. Sufferers of the condition are born without a face, and perhaps crucially, a brain.

Instead, those with the condition simply have a rotund anus in place of a head.

Mr Oubliette believes a lifetime of being a walking arse has stood him in good stead, providing him with the experience needed to become Copeland’s next political representative.

When asked what he intended to do for the area, Oubliette simply replied “parp, parp, fpphphhhhhttttteeeeaaak.”

 

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“It’s rare that any constituency has to go through the rigmarole of choosing who they dislike the least out of a bunch of smug charlatans to represent their interests in the space of just a few weeks, but that’s exactly where we are in Copeland.

Five candidates now have their eyes on the prize of a £74,000 per annum windfall combined with all the expenses-paid trips to that London they can muster, and with the election just over a week away it’s hard to know just who has it in the bag.

Labour’s Gillian Troughton claims to have made the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs in her St. John’s Ambulance, although there is scant evidence to corroborate the claim.

Trudy Harrison, the currently elected Conservative MP for Copeland, has successfully managed to set up direct debits to her home energy supplier which demonstrates an ability to balance the domestic purse-strings and little else.

The Lib-Dem candidate used to play drums for that band that had a hit with MMMBop back in the mid-nineties, but living on former glories won’t do her any favours.

Domino’s Spiderman is offering any medium pizza with up to two toppings for £5.99, but with better options around the corner in any number of takeaways it’s hard to see how the people will benefit from this proposal.

With this in mind, Dingus Oubliette might just be the windbag Copeland needs.”

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