Labour voter launches petition to keep borehole water supply

HOOF-HEARTED: Ernesto's petition has fallen on deaf ears

IN THE WAKE of Copeland MP Trudy Harrison urging United Utilities to stop drawing water from Egremont boreholes, a contrarian Labour slacktivist has started a half-hearted petition to keep the controversial supply in place.

Ernesto Che Santana – known as Dave to his friends and family – was initially vehemently opposed to United Utilities decision to blend fresh water with sludge pumped out of a ditch, but has performed a radical U-turn on his beliefs – all in order to avoid agreeing with a Tory.

Party line

“It’s a case of principle”, Mr Santana told The Shitehaven Views.

“We must tow the party line. All Conservatives are evil incarnate and if they decide to do something, as loyal subjects of Comrade Corbyn we must do the exact opposite. It’s as simple as that – it’s not up for debate.”

Although his petition was rejected by the official Houses of Parliament petitions committee on the grounds of “having not met the standards for a petition”, Mr Santana found a voice on change.org where his supplication has garnered almost six signatures at the time of going to press.

Affect a change

When pressed on whether his energies might be better spent fighting the monopolist utility company responsible for thousands of complaints of ill-health from his fellow constituents, Mr Santana sneered at the idea of standing side-by-side with Trudy Harrison on the issue:

“Not a chance. Me dog voted Labour. Me dad’s dog voted Labour; and me dad’s dog’s dad’s dog before him.

“I won’t turn my back on my strongly-held beliefs. In any case, when Corbyn gets into number 10 we’ll all be drinking water out of holes in the ground anyway.”

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