Cereal accidentally added to water supply
LOCAL RESIDENTS have been left mystified after their kettles began emanating a “snap, crackle & pop” sound this weekend – but the conundrum appears to […]
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Crab Fair gurning champion stripped of title
AN EGREMONT MAN has been forced to vacate his position as heavyweight gurning champion after admitting to the use of PERFORMANCE-ENHANCING SUBSTANCES. 41-year-old trout poacher […]
Protests as discount store introduces carrier bag price-hike
AN ARMED RESPONSE UNIT has been deployed to deal with growing civil unrest over a discount food store’s decision to increase the price of its […]
Council approves harbour-based “Mini-Trident” to deal with seagull menace
CONTROVERSIAL plans to implement a Trident-style missile defence system on Whitehaven harbour have been given the green light by council officials – to deal with […]
Pub regulars brace themselves for influx of bank holiday drinkers
REGULAR DRINKERS in Whitehaven are preparing themselves for the influx of admin workers, Sellafield shirkers and contract berserkers set to flood their local establishments this […]